There Ain't No Rest For the Wicked
by Hero of the Dark
Summary: In one of the most infamous cities in the country. A stroke of awful luck causes a new guard at the Shirogane Mansion to find himself face to face with the infamous cat burglar known as the Monkey. But was meeting the young thief really such a bad thing? Got second place in Soccer-Geek's Alternate Pairing Contest.


Okay, so maybe this wasn't my best decision ever. I frowned as I looked out the duty window, down onto the city of metal beneath me. Smoke rose high into the air in some attempt to strangle what little blue was left. The smoke was winning. The streets were thin and dirty, and from here they looked like a labyrinth that would be far too easy to get lost in.

Why had I wanted to move here again?

I growled and stumbled over towards my trunk in the corner, somehow ending up on my knees in order to start pulling things out and into their place in the tiny one-room apartment. Really, compared to the other options I had seen in this city my flat was fairly nice. My fingers scraped on the glossy cover of a picture frame on the top of the mess inside the trunk, and I scowled because I knew exactly what picture was held there: a picture of an adorable red head, her face scarlet from some comment I'd made. Suddenly I remembered why I'd moved to this infamous dump of a city, and again forbid ever going back home no matter how worried my brothers were.

"Not even Ichigo would follow me here." I muttered, pulling an old pair of massive knives out of the trunk and sticking them into my belt. You didn't grow around this city without some sort of protection.

"In other news, the mysterious young thief known as the Monkey has pulled off another heist. The wife of a local factory owner woke up to find every piece of jewel in her collection gone. The night guards were not even aware of the thief's presence, though security footage reveals the familiar figure hanging from the rooftops and chandeliers in the awe inspiring displays of gymnastics she has become known for."

I smirked. "You show those fat cats, Monkey girl." Of course as of yesterday I was employed to one of those factory owners, but I preferred not to dwell on that.

* * *

"Name?"

"Kish Ikisitashi."

The man nodded and checked off something on his clipboard. "Welcome to Shirogane Mansion. I trust you already know your job?"

"Don't let anyone in without authorization. If they try to steal anything or hurt someone, shoot them dead. Simple enough."

The man just smiled and passed me a gun. "Simple enough, until they shoot back."

"How often does someone try to break into this place?"

"More often than you'd think, and the majority of them are armed. Why do you think there's always open guard positions in this city?"

* * *

She came in the night.

She always did, just like every other thief. But she wasn't any ordinary thief. She waited until five in the morning, and hour before dawn and long after all of us had assumed we were safe for the night. I wouldn't have ever seen her, if it hadn't been for pure chance.

I was patrolling the hallways, per usual, when my perverted habits decided to kick back in. It was the maid's night out, and their quarters were just a door down…

I opened the door silently, and slid it closed behind me. I waited a minute to make sure no one had seen me, then turned the light on.

Pure instinct is the only thing that saved me from the bullet whizzing by my head. I dove to the side just in time, and crashed into the floor. "Hey, why'd ya have to move? Now I gotta waste an extra bullet! Money don't grow on trees, ya know!"

I looked up in shock to see the Monkey herself sitting on one of the maid's beds, a gun pointed at me and a sack no doubt filled with valuables set behind her. She looked even younger in person than she did on TV. "How old are you?"

She appeared startled by the question. "Why do you care? Age don't matter none!"

I shrugged. "Just curious. If I'm gonna die, I'd like to die with my curiosity satisfied."

She seemed to acknowledge this fact. "Thirteen."

"What?"

"My age. I'm thirteen. And you?"

"Seventeen."

"You're young for a guard."

"You're young for an infamous cat burglar."

She raised an eyebrow and regarded me in mock seriousness. "Touché."

We looked at each other in silence for a minute or so. I cracked first.

"PPPPPFFFFFFT." I fell over onto my back, unable to stop laughter from erupting from my throat. "I-I'm such an i-idiot. There's a famous thief in the mansion. S-so what do I do? Ask her how old s-she isss."

A minute later she began laughing too, and soon we were both rolling around in stitches.

What eventually knocked us out of it was the sound of shouting outside, and I suddenly remembered that the sound of a gun going off was not exactly a quiet thing. I don't know when I started valuing her life, but for some reason I jumped onto the bed she was on a shoved us both over onto the other side. I slammed my hand over her mouth as the door was ripped open.

"Not here! Move it, before she gets away!" The door was slammed shut as the guards moved on.

She stared at me in shock as I slowly removed my hand from her mouth. For a moment we were quiet, then her face brightened into the biggest smile I'd ever seen. "You saved me! Thank you thank you thank you!" And suddenly I was being hugged by the most wanted thief in one of the worst cities in the country. She then looked around warily while I finished processing what had just happened. "You're not gonna tell anyone I was here, right?"

"No, I don't think I could." I paused. "Wait, there's no security cameras in here, right?"

"No, I already checked." She smiled at me as she jumped up onto her feet and grabbed the sack of valuables. She threw it over her shoulder and headed for the window. "Well, thanks for the help mister!"

"Wait!" She paused and turned to face me.

"What is it?"

"I'm just wanted to ask one more question. You're such a sweet kid, why on Earth did you choose to live like this?"

She smiled a sort of sad smile. "There ain't no rest for the wicked, mister. Money don't grow on trees. I've got bills to pay, and I've got mouths to feed, and ain't nothing in this world for free." She tipped an invisible hat at me. "Good night, mister. Maybe I'll see you again." She opened the window, and jumped three stories to the ground below.

* * *

A week after that night I encountered a young blonde girl named Pudding. Well not so much encountered, as she ran up to me and grabbed me by the arm. "Hello, mister!" She chirped.

I bristled instantly and reached for one of the knives at my belt when I felt something being shoved into my hand. I looked down and raised an eyebrow. "Candy?"

She smiled at me, bright and wide. Wait a second, did I know that smile? When she saw the suspicion on my face, the smile grew bigger. And this time I saw mischief in those eyes.

"My name is Pudding Fong! It's nice to meet you na no da!" She grabbed my hand and shook my whole arm until I was sure it was going to come out of its socket. "Well, really I should be saying it's nice to meet you again." She grinned as realization dawned in my eyes. "I was thinking this week, and I had an idea! I was thinking, what better duo of thieves could there be, than a thief and guard? They could get so much money na no da!" She cheered, doing cartwheels down the narrow street. Then she bounced back over to me and offered a hand. "Not to mention, how much candy could they buy with all that money?"

I looked at her hand for a moment, but only a moment. I was a creature of impulse, and this was no exception. I placed my hand in hers, and she grinned at me. I think I'd kill half the people in this city for her as long as she kept smiling at me like that. Then she looked me in the eyes and asked me one question. "There ain't no rest for the wicked, is there?"

"Not until we close our eyes for good." I confirmed. She laughed and jumped into my arms, and somehow I ended up carrying her piggyback around the city for the rest of the afternoon.

* * *

I...I'm not sure what I just wrote. I don't think it takes place in our world, but instead some variation where it's modern and they have modern technology but no one ever made human labor laws so it's pretty much the factory era with more women's rights and technology.

Also, I had a lot of trouble at first coming up with a plot for the pairing of KisshuxPudding (I ship TartxPudding so much, for an opposite challenge I had to write a pairing with one of them). In the end, I was inspired by the song Ain't No Rest For The Wicked by Cage the Elephant. Some of the lyrics are incorporated into Pudding and Kish's dialogue towards the end of the story.

I'm not sure if I got their personalities right, but I think I did okay. Their ages got bumped up three each, assuming Pudding was ten and Kiss was fourteen in the actual show.

-Hero of the Dark


End file.
